I watched "500 Days of Summer" last night. Very good movie, and realistic in all the important places.
Through the whole thing I found myself constantly thinking back to Hybre, and wondering if the real reason she broke up with me is because she just didn't have those feelings for me (as opposed to my theory that she felt too strongly for me and got scared).
No, I would then think to myself, The situation was different with her. Just because it happened that way in the movie, doesn't mean that's how real life is.
Isn't that always how it is, though? The one whose heart is broken always comes up with reasons why things were different, and rationalizes ways that they can win her/him back. Maybe sometimes they're right, but I bet that a lot of the times they're wrong.
So here I am, waiting for Autumn.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
It's not you, it's me. Actually, no, it's just you.
I've learned something recently. I'm not sure why it took so long to figure out; maybe I'm just slow on the uptake.
When someone (particularly a woman, but I'm sure guys do this too) says "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now", what they almost certainly mean is "I don't want to be in a relationship with YOU."
I didn't even want anything serious with this one, either. I'm just kind of annoyed that she went to great lengths to avoid any appearance of even approaching a relationship, going so far as to refuse to go out for dinner around V-Day, and then 2 weeks later, "Hey, I'm kind of seeing someone. I thought you should know."
Well it's a good thing I wasn't in love with her or else my heart would be broken right now. As it stands, this is more annoyance/anger than anything.
When someone (particularly a woman, but I'm sure guys do this too) says "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now", what they almost certainly mean is "I don't want to be in a relationship with YOU."
I didn't even want anything serious with this one, either. I'm just kind of annoyed that she went to great lengths to avoid any appearance of even approaching a relationship, going so far as to refuse to go out for dinner around V-Day, and then 2 weeks later, "Hey, I'm kind of seeing someone. I thought you should know."
Well it's a good thing I wasn't in love with her or else my heart would be broken right now. As it stands, this is more annoyance/anger than anything.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Plastic bag in the breeze
I can't sleep. My mind is full, but for once it's not full of worry or negativity.
I'm in one of those moods where I'm overwhelmed by how awesome life is, and how grateful I am for everybody, and my desire for everyone to live happily ever after together.
I know that everyone can't live happily ever after. But it's nice and comforting to feel pure, unbridled optimism.
I think this came from finishing up Season 8 of Scrubs today, and seeing the final scenes of the episode - first where JD is walking through the hallway, lined with bit-players and guest stars from the show's past, each spouting their own quips and one-liners, and then where JD sees his ideal future played out on a projector screen in front of him, and it's extremely beautiful and moving - is what did this to me. I've sort of been drifting around on cloud 8 and a half since early afternoon today, and nothing has happened to break my mood. I don't even care that I'll be kind of sleep deprived in the morning (I guess because there's not much I can do about it).
So, future-me, or anyone else, if you ever come back and see this, remember that life is beautiful, and you have to realize that at least sometimes. Also remember that there's no better feeling than making someone else feel genuinely good, and having them genuinely appreciate you for it.
I'm in one of those moods where I'm overwhelmed by how awesome life is, and how grateful I am for everybody, and my desire for everyone to live happily ever after together.
I know that everyone can't live happily ever after. But it's nice and comforting to feel pure, unbridled optimism.
I think this came from finishing up Season 8 of Scrubs today, and seeing the final scenes of the episode - first where JD is walking through the hallway, lined with bit-players and guest stars from the show's past, each spouting their own quips and one-liners, and then where JD sees his ideal future played out on a projector screen in front of him, and it's extremely beautiful and moving - is what did this to me. I've sort of been drifting around on cloud 8 and a half since early afternoon today, and nothing has happened to break my mood. I don't even care that I'll be kind of sleep deprived in the morning (I guess because there's not much I can do about it).
So, future-me, or anyone else, if you ever come back and see this, remember that life is beautiful, and you have to realize that at least sometimes. Also remember that there's no better feeling than making someone else feel genuinely good, and having them genuinely appreciate you for it.
Monday, February 13, 2012
No witty title this time
When I made this blog, it wasn't intended to be a sounding board for all the moody thoughts that have no place on Facebook, but that seems to be how I've been using it lately. Here's more fuel for that fire.
My dad is in the hospital. He fell five times in three days at Rosewood (his assisted living home). The first time he busted his head badly enough that staples were needed to close the wound. The second time was another ER visit because the fall reopened the head wound.
He fell three more times the next day without obvious injuries, but he was acting strange and. confused, so they sent him to the hospital again and that's where he is now. The doctors did a CAT scan which turned out normal; today theyre supposed to do an MRI, and they think his elbow is cracked so they'll look into that too.
This has been distressing for me. Between his failed attempt to move out on his own and all these hospital visits, my father has been dejected, confused, lost, and despondent, and I can't shake the fear that he could die soon.
That leads to the feeling that I should do something to help, but there's very little I can do except for getting him declare incompetent so he can't try the moving-out stunt again, but the problem is that I have so much going on that I don't think I can handle that process right now.
I asked my brother if he could help me out by going through that process himself, and that's when he revealed to me that he has basically disowned our father and wants nothing to do with him anymore, even going as far as to say that he didn't care even if our dad died. That would be his business, if not for the fact that this makes life much harder for me because I CAN'T abandon my dad like that; it would go against the very fiber of my being.
Meanwhile, I told my mother about the situation, and she decided to write an email to my dad's sisters, who have been almost no help for the entirety of my dad's disability, and she gave them a piece of her mind. This has the potential to start a nasty family feud which I really would rather not be a part of.
On top of all this, I'm still working full time and still going to school full time, and I have an interview for an adult job tomorrow, and it's Valentine's Day and I'm alone, and holy shit what the hell am I doing.
My dad is in the hospital. He fell five times in three days at Rosewood (his assisted living home). The first time he busted his head badly enough that staples were needed to close the wound. The second time was another ER visit because the fall reopened the head wound.
He fell three more times the next day without obvious injuries, but he was acting strange and. confused, so they sent him to the hospital again and that's where he is now. The doctors did a CAT scan which turned out normal; today theyre supposed to do an MRI, and they think his elbow is cracked so they'll look into that too.
This has been distressing for me. Between his failed attempt to move out on his own and all these hospital visits, my father has been dejected, confused, lost, and despondent, and I can't shake the fear that he could die soon.
That leads to the feeling that I should do something to help, but there's very little I can do except for getting him declare incompetent so he can't try the moving-out stunt again, but the problem is that I have so much going on that I don't think I can handle that process right now.
I asked my brother if he could help me out by going through that process himself, and that's when he revealed to me that he has basically disowned our father and wants nothing to do with him anymore, even going as far as to say that he didn't care even if our dad died. That would be his business, if not for the fact that this makes life much harder for me because I CAN'T abandon my dad like that; it would go against the very fiber of my being.
Meanwhile, I told my mother about the situation, and she decided to write an email to my dad's sisters, who have been almost no help for the entirety of my dad's disability, and she gave them a piece of her mind. This has the potential to start a nasty family feud which I really would rather not be a part of.
On top of all this, I'm still working full time and still going to school full time, and I have an interview for an adult job tomorrow, and it's Valentine's Day and I'm alone, and holy shit what the hell am I doing.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality
I feel like I'm in a virtual world right now. Nothing feels real.
I'm not sure what's wrong with me. Maybe I feel like this because so many unusual things are happening right now.
My hours this week have been cut at work. I made an 83 on my Accounting test. I also made an 83 on my Art History test. I'm strongly considering dropping out of that class. I'm looking hard for a new job. I was just given a car by my ex girlfriend. I just spent an entire class at the back of the room playing a computer game because the professor is so worthless that I almost think I learned more from the game than I would have from him.
All of those things are things that normally wouldn't be happening to me. So maybe my mind is interpreting this as some kind of dream. I hope it stops that soon, because I need to get my act together here. Important things are happening, and I need to be at the top of my game.
Maybe I need something to keep me grounded. That might be the one thing that's missing from my life that I really need. I don't know where to find it though.
I'm not sure what's wrong with me. Maybe I feel like this because so many unusual things are happening right now.
My hours this week have been cut at work. I made an 83 on my Accounting test. I also made an 83 on my Art History test. I'm strongly considering dropping out of that class. I'm looking hard for a new job. I was just given a car by my ex girlfriend. I just spent an entire class at the back of the room playing a computer game because the professor is so worthless that I almost think I learned more from the game than I would have from him.
All of those things are things that normally wouldn't be happening to me. So maybe my mind is interpreting this as some kind of dream. I hope it stops that soon, because I need to get my act together here. Important things are happening, and I need to be at the top of my game.
Maybe I need something to keep me grounded. That might be the one thing that's missing from my life that I really need. I don't know where to find it though.
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